I’m growing into the idea that a good death is not so much a death where I have chosen the time and place, but where I have some level of control over the event. I used to believe the best way to die was in the setting of my making, my choosing; not necessarily suicide, but where it’s me that pulls the trigger (metaphorically, or even literally).
For example I used to fear drowning, or death-by-flames, and I am obviously still not exactly joyful about the idea of dying in these ways, not least because of the physical pain involved. However I no longer fear the isolation and ‘inhumanity’ of this type of death. My previous ‘death of choice’ would be the jump from a cliff or the envelopment in a fireworks factory explosion.
Clarification: When I talk about control over the event I am meaning mental control more than physical control (although this can play a part). To be able to stand there and think ‘I am ready to die, I accept death’, that is the good death. To have a constant awareness that death is real, death will come, and death is likely the second most important event in your life.
However it happens, don’t fear the reaper; ‘Fear is the mind killer’ as F. Herbert would say.
We see death in some form or other every day of our lives, and those who do not choose to think about it have something seriously wrong with them. If you ignore death, then you ignore life.
Must say I disagree with you here Edd. Firstly I would say what makes a ‘good’ death isn’t the state of mind you are in yourself, but rather how the death is to do with others. I couldn’t care less if I die drowning or panicking or exploding or just lying down. Can’t remember who said ‘A man’s death is more the survivors affair than his own’. It would simply matter to me more that my death could somehow affect someone else, perhaps helping them but most importantly a death that isn’t pointless. I would also say I am scared of death in the sense that I feel my life is somehow leading to something significant, and I would not want to leave life before this happens. Surely ‘fear’ of death in this way is healthy?
I deliberately avoided the ‘affect on others’ aspect of death, I was looking at it from a purely personal perspective; by far the most important part of death as whole is certainly the effect on the people left behind.
I don’t really have that feeling of building to something significant. I have many things I want to do in life and that I am looking forward to in life, but that doesn’t mean I fear death taking away these things; I am comfortable with the idea that they may never occur.
Thanks for the thoughts! I love the ignore death ignore life idea.
i have considered death a lot at various points and now i am not interested in it, even as a concept. unless your situation is one where you know how long you have left you cannot prepare yourself for it. you will not know how you will react until you are facing it, the unavoidable end of your existence (if you believe it to be so) and so, in my mind, i don’t think about it. it’ll happen and until then i am going to live and have as much of a meaningful/fun life as i can make of it.
i dont at all agree with the ‘if you ignore death you ignore life’ idea. it has the sound of wisdom but is just a pretty phrase. i have yet to find such absolutes in anything that actually exists. i ignore death because of 2 things, i am not interested in my own and as yet no one close to me has died. i accpet it’ll happen, but right now i am not interested. that chain of thought leads nowhere productive. because of this do i ignore life? no, i have a 4 year old niece and 2 year old nephew and think about their future and development as individuals a lot, how i can help shape them into being decent adults.
i used to fear death, i exect everyone does at some point before their own. it helped me, i learned from it and decided to live…
I just think to fully appreciate life then you have to think about death - you need one to balance out the other. It’s just my personal way of looking at it. Plus, I find it hard not to think about death when I see it every single day, in some form or other, however small. Just because you choose to focus on death as much as life, does not mean that you deny yourself a meaningful existence - in fact, I think it enriches it.
You’re right though, nothing can truly prepare you for death. In some way, you are already acknowledging the importance of death by having such a life-affirming attitude, in a weird, convoluted way.