Last weekend I was away in Ireland for a funeral. Whilst there I experienced a lot of new things; saw new sights and felt new feelings. I haven't been to funeral since I was a young teen; and have never been to a funeral in Ireland as opposed to England. Things are done slightly differently there, the main changes being that in Ireland they have wakes (people visiiting your home between the death and funeral to pay their respects to the family) and that the coffin is taken back home between the death and the funeral (normally just three days) and left open casket in a room for people to view the body if they wish; people are rarely cremated.
I found the effect of this was to make the physicality of death a lot more lucid. It was an incredibly strange feeling to know that just in the other room there was a human body that was now just a physical thing, it had no life, it was no longer the person it had been. Reasonably enough, many family members choose not to take part in the viewing, however I can understand how it can help with coming to terms with the fact that the person inside the body has departed; although I am not sure I would be able to sleep in a house knowing that my loved-one's body is lying it the next room.
The whole closeness to death involved in the process in Ireland is quite different to the far more detached process in England; and I am not sure which one I prefer. The Irish way certainly brings death closer to home, and helps to make death a part of life; but the English way seems more sensitive and leaves much more room for a certain romanticism or mysticism about the soul and the afterlife by not involving the soul-less body, especially in the case of cremation. I believe there is a place for both forms of funeral; we have to be careful not to ignore death, and be prepared to a certain extent that it will effect us all, but also not to place too much emphasis and unnecessary ceremony on what is already an incredibly difficult and emotional time.
I went to a funeral today - a crematorium to be precise. It was a very sad occasion because it was for my friend’s brother and he was only 18 when he died. It was a ‘humanist’ (as opposed to christian) ceremony and gave a brief story of his life, as well as some wishy-washy poems about life and nature. I didn’t know him that well, but I don’t think it helped many people come to terms with his death.
i went to a funeral of my neighbour on friday 15th in london, i have however been to many in ireland in my time. its hard to imagine the discomfort and grief death causes until it effects you directly for we are merely just a formation of matter, cells and stardust permitted to borrow life from our parents for a limited time, until we are returned to the soil from whence we came.
If we’re merely matter, cells and stardust then does does it matter (excuse the pun) so much when one person dies? Humans are more than this; we have a soul and when someone dies we lose contact with that soul - that’s what hurts.